Everything you know now, you have learnt it from someone or somewhere. Because you have the capacity to learn, you also have the capacity to unlearn things that are bad for your own mental health or things preventing you to fully be yourself. There are those bad habits, perceptions and beliefs going on from generations to generations in my community: the Black community. Here are nine things I believe the black community should unlearn.
You might relate to some more than others but feel free to express your own opinion about what things your community should unlearn
Nine things the Black community should unlearn
1. Rich people are bad people
it is common to hear that in the Black community. Money is associated with bad things. When a family relative start being successful and has a better financial situation than the rest of the family, automatically people start speculating and gossiping about how it is impossible for that person to start having that kind of lifestyle or living in a particular area they even go as far as putting the blame on that person for every misfortune that will happen in the family. Being rich is not a sin, rich people aren’t bad, overnight success always hide a lot of years of hard work, dedication and investment. Rich people aren’t bad. However bad people are bad whether they are rich or poor, money only reveals who the person truly is. So if the person was a bad person before having lot of money, it will still be the case when their bank account balance rise to roof. the same can be true for good people, with or without money they will still be good.
We should stop associating being rich with something bad. Learning to have a good relationship with money it’s a start (read Money: Let’s talk about it). Believing that rich people are bad also put limit into your mind, you are unconsciously telling your inner self that “we shouldn’t want to have a better life, a better financial position because it’s for bad people” You are just lying to yourself and hurting yourself by the way. Unlearn what you have been taught about money and start having a better relationship with it.
2. You have made it in life if you get married
This one will never get old and it is a though one to unlearn. We have been taught to believe that marriage, getting married is a sing of success especially for women. There are talented, amazing women giving up everything i the name of marriage. I am in no way against having “getting married” as one of your goal in life. However, considering it as THE SIGN of success in life? That is pushing it a little too far. Viewing marriage as THE SIGN of success has cost the lives and happiness of millions of women in the Black community. I have seen women staying in failed marriage just because they had nowhere to go, they gave up on their dreams for the sake of their marriage and can;t afford to go back to their parents house because parents were too poor to take care of them or fearing what people will say and putting kids future at risk because they had no revenues to take care of those kids on their own. I have seen women keeping up with their partners nonsense, being physically and emotional abuse in the name of honoring the family and all the advantages they had by just being the official Mrs X. Is it really worth it?
Marriage should unite two people in love who are ready to help each other grow, be best friends and have each other back all the time. It is time to unlearn that you have made it in life if you get married and it is also time to normalize going back home when you life is at stake even if it means starting to rebuild yourself from scratch, do it.
3. Don’t tell your friends
Another classic one, we have been told countless time as children not to tell anyone that we have got a new car, that we were going overseas for holidays or we have eaten meat the entire week ( this sounds funny but it was an actual fancy thing to do back in those days). It is easy to that those things are things of the past and I don’t do that anymore, I am an adult now. however, the crazy thing if you have experience or have been taught to hide things from your own friends in your childhood, in your subconscious today there is still this little thing telling you “don’t tell your friends” whenever something incredibly exciting happen in your life. This might be because you suspect that your friends will be jealous of you or will try to sabotage you or your project. On the other hand when you hear about a job opportunity or a business opportunity your friend is way more qualify than you to do the job you rather not tell them about it cause you know deep down they have more chances than you to be taken for the job or bring that business idea to life better than you. So that little voice in your head tells you “just don’t tell your friends” which lead you as an adult to be surrounded by friends you don’t trust and you can’t let them go because you believe that how it works because remember you have survived a childhood where yo kept secrets from your friends and it didn’t hurt.
It is important to unlearn this as soon as possible because being surrounded by people you don’t trust enough to share your ideas with is toxic and a waste of time and energy as you will have to pretend to be friends while you have to hide your true self to accommodate everyone. unlearning his will help you have a deeper connection with your friends. If you find yourself hiding things from those closest to you because they always judge or are jealous of you, it is time to Upgrade your circle of friends .
That it for today, next Sunday the second part of what I think Black community should unlearn. Are you experiencing the same issues in your community? What do you think is the most important thing to unlearn now so that the future generation won’t have to live with those ideas and beliefs?
Till next Sunday